Ch-ch-changes.

You know, I think that as time has gone on, I've become a much quieter person. I mean in general. Not around people I know, necessarily, but I suppose it's true there. I let myself close myself off a lot. Honestly, I can't decide if it's a bad thing or not. Maybe it's better that I talk to less people now. I mean, comparatively, I'm much happier than I was in high school. I don't have the drama. But on the other hand, I also don't have a similar number of friends, so I guess it's only logical.

Maybe I've gotten more selective in who I associate with. Or maybe I'm just too shy to put myself out there.

Another interesting (or not so interesting?) fact: I have way less human contact. Like, hugs. I really don't even hug all of the people I was close to in high school anymore when I see them. In a sense, I think it's because of Duluth. I spent so much of my time alone. The only person I ever saw besides my family when I came home was my boyfriend. I guess it's not all that surprising, but it's a little odd to consider. I'm fine with it, for the most part. In a sense, it does make me a little sad. Or nostalgic. Something.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I hate even the idea of this. Of being erased. Of being forcibly removed from someone's life. Of becoming someone that just doesn't matter anymore.

ugh.

Sometimes my heart aches, and sometimes I feel like it could burst for happiness.

no one said it would be easy.

I figure no one has read this thing in a while. But, I feel like I need to write, or the words will just spill out of my eyes in some strange sort of way. I don't know. That makes no sense. A lot of stuff doesn't make much sense lately. Loss is strange that way. Loss takes things that used to make sense and twists them until they're unrecognizable.

Losing someone who has been your only anchor, your only constant, for over 3 years is terrifying. It's hard to give that sort of security up. But sometimes, giving it up is the only option, for your sake and for theirs... And that's not an easy idea to grasp-- letting someone go so they can be okay. It requires a different kind of trust and faith in that person...

I know it's for the best. I just wish it were easier to see him go... even though it may not be forever.

log cabin design

I love Trendir. While I was browsing through the site today, I came across this little beauty. It's a little log cabin that functions as a recording studio inside, and it's mobile. Yeah, exactly. You can move it wherever you want. Pretty nifty if you ask me.

So, I was looking through the post, and I decided that I definitely love the exterior. I mean... It looks like a pile of logs! But, it has windows that open upward to let you look outside at any given time. Also very cool. Maybe I'm just a total sucker for natural-looking tree and wood based design, but this one is definitely intriguing. I can just kinda picture this mobile "pile of logs" sitting next to someone's home, waiting to be taken out on some sort of fun little adventure.

I have to say though... The interior isn't that exciting to me. Kind of a letdown. I mean, the exterior is gorgeous, but the interior... it's all one color. I just feel like the interior is a total disconnect from the exterior, which is a shame, if you ask me. I mean, I can appreciate the juxtaposition, but the fact that it's all one color might be what irks me. Lost potential, if you ask me. But maybe because it's a recording studio, there needed to be specific material surfaces. I don't know much about that, so maybe I shouldn't be judging the interior design decsions.