moulin rouge; realizations.

I watched Moulin Rouge tonight, for the first time in probably what is over a year at this point. Anyway, the time lapse is irrelevant. What's relevant is this: The ending of this movie scares me. Not in the 'OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO PISS MYSELF' sort of way. I mean in that somber, quiet, contemplative way. More specifically:

I'm afraid that I'm going to die of some incurable disease before I can marry the man I love and have beautiful babies. I'm afraid that I won't get to live a simple life in a beautiful home.

I'm afraid that I'll die before I even get the chance to live my life.

take a breath.

Eh. I feel like my life if in disarray. The fact that my floor is still covered in boxes probably doesn't help... But hopefully my little break from most of reality will sort that all out. It'd be nice, to say the least. In general, I'd like to feel some amount of permanence in my own room rather this odd sense of just being dropped into it.

To be honest, being around people has had a weird effect on me lately. I'd rather be alone. Or with Taylor. Probably because being around him requires no effort on my part. We can sit around together, or do our own thing for a while. It doesn't require major amounts of interaction if we're not really looking for it. But, then again, it's not being alone. I don't enjoy being alone. Sadly, (for me at least) I'll have to go a few days without.

And, on that note: I'm taking the few days for myself. Not sure how many, or to what extent. I have a few books to read. Maybe I'll make a trip to the library with my mother. Or an IKEA trip and buy some new stuff for my room. It feels oddly mismatched, which is irrelevant.

I just need to breathe, get away from life and effort for a few days.

a mix of happy :]

So, I made myself this mix in early February, and I'm rather fond of it. I have no idea if anyone is even remotely interested, but I figured it couldn't hurt to share.

1. I'd Rather Be With You- Joshua Radin.
2. All We Are- Matt Nathanson.
3. Something to Believe In- Aqualung.
4. Stars & Boulevards- Augustana.
5. She Is- The Fray.
6. Hands Open- Snow Patrol.
7. Nothing Left To Lose- Mat Kearney.
8. Lucky- Jason Mraz (ft. Colbie Caillat).
9. Tailor Made- Colbie Caillat.
10. Sunday Best- Augustana.
11. Naked As We Came- Iron & Wine.
12. Sky- Joshua Radin.
13. Can't Go Back Now- The Weepies.
14. Take It From Me- The Weepies.
15. Skinny Love- Bon Iver.
16. Banana Pancakes- Jack Johnson.
17. Shut Your Eyes- Snow Patrol.
18. Sticky-Sweet- Erin McCarley.
19. Field Below- Regina Spektor.
20. Love Song- Tilly & the Wall.
21. Pink Light- Laura Veirs.
22. Someone Else's Life- Joshua Radin.

It makes me happy when I'm sad. It makes me calm when I'm nervous. It's kinda just one of those perfect mixes for pretty mornings.
If you want a copy, let me know :]

they say home is where the heart is.

Being home is odd. Actually, no. I take that back. Feeling semi-sad when I left Duluth was odd. Granted, I don't know if I was sad to be leaving the town, or leaving the situation. I feel like I waited too long to write about this. It all seems fuzzy at this point. (Or maybe that's just my allergies?) Heh. I don't know. In any case, being home is nice. It just doesn't feel too much like home with all of the boxes littering the floor. I'm hoping to get that all taken care of soon... Once I stopping running around from one place to the next.

On another, semi-related note: I'd like to redo my bedroom. Maybe repaint, buy some new furniture, move some stuff out. We'll see how that goes.

rescheduling a final?!

I DON'T THINK SO.

Ugh. Okay, so. Story:
I show up for my Women Writers final at 2pm today. A few other people are there, and they look pissed. One of the girls informs me that the final got moved to Wednesday at 2pm. For a second I think she's joking until she points to a small piece of paper about the size of 1/8th of a full printer page what says exactly that. So, I was supposed to leave this fucking place on Tuesday evening, and now, unless my professor actually reads her e-mail and checks her voicemail and agrees to my suggestion that I take this damn final electronically... I'm going to be stuck up here in an empty room waiting for a stupid fucking final on Wednesday that could have been done today. In all reality, I doubt she'll read her fucking e-mail, so I'm most likely stuck up here.

Fuck!

Update: Yep. Stuck here until Wednesday at about 4pm. Funny what a ridiculously trivial change can do to a week. Grr.